Rectification Archive
Records of all conditions improvements, maintained in perpetuity.
2026
June 2026
(29 rectifications)
June 5, 2026
- 'Mutually Beneficial' Trade Deal Requires Government to Eliminate All Tariffs, Spend $500 Billion
- Party Champions Local State Interests by Giving Rajya Sabha Seats to National TV Spokespersons
- Supreme Court Banning AI From 'Fake' Judgments After Lawyers Kept Using Them
- University Erases Name of 1915 Provisional Government Leader Citing 'Lack of Significant Contribution'
- US Hails 'Diplomatic Breakthrough' As Ceasefire Survives 41 Rocket Operations and Continued Airstrikes
June 4, 2026
- Citing 2023 Precedent, Assembly Speaker Awards 'Real Party' Status to Faction Keeping Him Employed
- EU Upholds European Values By Outsourcing Human Rights Abuses to Tunisia and Egypt
- Officials Arrive In India To Announce 'Significant Progress' On Trade Deal Due Diwali 2022
- Ruling Party Trades State's Lone Vacant Upper House Seat for 2026 Electoral Loyalty
June 3, 2026
- Court Takes Up 1989 Case After 34 Years of Delay Finally Generates Viral Content
- Election Commission Formally Opens Bidding on Four Karnataka Rajya Sabha Seats
- Government That Released New Map in 2020 Accidentally Confesses to Encroaching on Neighbor's Territory
- Ministry Reminds EU That Issue Raised by US, China, and OIC Remains Strictly Internal
- Pentagon Hires Man Convicted of Attacking U.S. Capitol as Sensitive Counterterrorism Analyst
- Rs 1,413 Crore Troubleshooter Prepared to Champion Needs of State's Rs 1.5 Lakh Farmers
June 2, 2026
- Archives Confirm Politicians Who Praised Leader's 'Historic Strength' Privately Called Him "Beleaguered And Bereft"
- Chief Minister With Thin Majority Uses First Official Speech to Launch Next Election Campaign
- Firm Fights Probe Into Rs 1.72 Crore Paid to Chief Minister's Daughter for Nothing
- Investigators Swiftly Arrest Executive Just Five Years After Rs 46,000 Crore Bankruptcy
- Party Pledging 'Stable Government' Spends Week in Delhi Arguing Over 2.5-Year Power-Sharing Agreement
- Rajasthan High Court Exhausted By Convicted Godman Who Has Been Tragically Dying Since 2021
June 1, 2026
- Airports Posting Rs 1,480 Crore Profits Warned That Unspecified Penalties Could Begin Soon
- Board Defends Security of Cost-Saving Exam Portal Hacked by 19-Year-Old in Under an Hour
- Board That Lost 1.6 Crore Student Records Relieved 19-Year-Old Found Latest Portal Flaw
- High Court Rules Due Process Optional for Employees Deemed 'Security Risk'
- Male Politicians Celebrate Passing 33% Women's Quota With Clause Delaying Implementation Until After 2029
- Party That Promised Governance Takes Cabinet Negotiations to Delhi for 'Mediation'
- Prime Minister Confident Seizing Castle Will Deliver 'Decisive Shift' Missing Since 1982
- State Issues 15-Day Ultimatum To Former Chief Minister Resisting Bungalow Eviction Since 2018
May 2026
(171 rectifications)
May 30, 2026
- Agency That Issued 2019 Warning on Spa Injections Finally Decides to Audit a Spa
- Astrologer Gives Deputy Chief Minister Three Dates When Planets Will Overrule Party Leadership
- Court Upholds 2012 Rule Capping TV Ads at 12 Minutes During 25-Minute Commercial Break
- Government Shocked That Sky May Falter on Obligation to Provide 60% of Nation’s Irrigation
- State Government Hopes Latest Darjeeling Anti-Corruption Drive Will Locate 2017's Missing Rs 100 Crore
- State With 33% Black Population Passes Map Giving Republicans 5 of 6 Congressional Seats
May 29, 2026
- Court Rules 1.5 Lakh Annual Highway Casualties Have Fundamental Right to Non-Existent Trauma Care
- MP Predicts Imminent Demise of Party That Survived Identical Demises in 2021 and 2023
- Prosecutors Spend Decades Defending Right to Ignore 1986 Supreme Court Ban on Racist Juries
- State Minister Booked for Abusing Cops Confident Case Will Yield Zero Action Like 2022
May 28, 2026
- Court Clarifies to State That Law It Ignored in 2018 Remains in Effect Today
- Education Board Defends 1968 Language Policy That Currently Lacks Only Teachers, Books, and Funding
- Enforcement Directorate Frustrated High Court Now Requires Actual Crime Before Investigating 'Proceeds of Crime'
- Former Judge Shocked to Learn Hiding Evidence in 12-Year-Old's Death Voids Standard Bail Privileges
- State Confident Supreme Court Will Agree 39.9 Percent Is 'Quite Close' to a Majority
May 27, 2026
- Commission Ensures 'Purity' of Upcoming Election by Deleting 3.66 Lakh Voters From Rolls
- Deputy CM Defends 15-Year Political Struggle After Neighbor Wins Chief Ministership In Two Years
- Ministry's 'Wetland Conservation' Rules Successfully Strip Protection From 44 Ecologically Sensitive Sites
- Party Denies Leadership Change, Clarifies Chief Minister Is Merely Being Relocated to Parliament
- Party Seeking 14 House Seats Annoyed They Cannot Simply Delete State's Only Opposition District
- State Files 12,000-Page Murder Chargesheet to Overrule Foreign Police's Finding of No Foul Play
- State Sends PM 2026 Edition of 2019 Letter Opposing 2018 Dam Project
May 26, 2026
- Agency Assures Court That 2026 Exam Leak Is Completely Distinct From 2024 Exam Leak
- Chief Minister Defends Absolute Autonomy By Hailing Party Boss As His 'Captain'
- Court Earning Rs 33.6 Lakh Annually Advises Unemployed 'Cockroach' Satirists Not To Get Sentimental
- Government Assures Court That 'Cockroach Janta Party' Posed Grave Threat To National Security
- Prime Minister Deploys Devastating 'Abominable' Adjective Against Nation Facing Zero Actual Consequences
- State Celebrates Overturning of 2003 Worship Rules By Awarding Lucrative Corridor Construction Contracts
May 25, 2026
- Citizen Loses ₹24 Crore to Scam Despite Repeated Warnings From Agencies Impersonated in Scam
- Former President Promises 100% Loyalty to Country He Previously Threatened With 'Very Big Tariffs'
- Government Deploys Riot Police to Install Opposition Leader Who Lost 2023 Election
- Minister Brings Relief by Promising to Temporarily Solve Same 20,000-Seat Shortage as Last Year
- "Not For Profit," Says Chairman Developing Rs 23,000 Crore Prime Mumbai Real Estate Project
- Official Who Ordered 285-Booth Repoll to Fix "Subversion" Immediately Orders Repoll of the Repoll
May 24, 2026
- Committees Voluntarily Agree to Comply With Existing Law, Avoid Previous Unrest
- DOJ Appeals Ruling That Arresting Man Just For Winning Supreme Court Case Is 'Vindictive'
- Judiciary Celebrates Historic Milestone Of Having Four Women Lead Its 25 High Courts
- Minister Tells Forest Officials to 'Understand Law' After Demolitions Follow Party Protests
- State That Saw 26,000 Jobs Cancelled Announces Radical New Policy of Grading the Exams
- State Upgrades 20 Missing Citizens to 'Federally Unaccounted For' After Hostage Swap Stalls
May 22, 2026
- $170 Billion IT Giant Reminded That 2013 Harassment Law Applies to Its 127 Offices
- Centre Unlocks Healthcare Scheme For Citizens Who Finally Voted For The Correct Party
- Chief Minister's Commitment to Social Justice Requires Exact Constitutional Limit of 35 Ministers
- DOJ Forced to Return Deported Man Immediately Indicts Him for 2022 Traffic Stop
- Ministers Instructed to Focus on 2047 Vision to Give 2014 Promises Time to Arrive
- Opposition Prints Posters Denouncing Chief Minister's 'Political Optics' After Cloudburst Claims 60 Lives
- State Launches High-Tech 'Talent Economy' By Giving 75% Tax Break To Cement Corporations
May 21, 2026
- After Brutal May Defeats, Party Leader Enthusiastically Campaigns for Man Preparing to Oust Him
- Chief Minister Declares Election a 'Festival' After Sole Opposition Candidate Withdraws
- Court Again Denies Bail To Accused Who Complied With Bail Three Times Before
- Court Clears 5.7 Lakh Trees for Coal Mine Because Environmentalists Filed Paperwork Late
- Government Demands 'Next-Generation Reforms' to Fix Previous Two Generations of Its Own Reforms
- Testing Agency Clarifies Exam Leaked By Own Panel Member Did Not Breach Agency System
May 20, 2026
- Admiral Claims 90% of Enemy Base Destroyed, Calls Questions About Surviving 70% 'Inappropriate'
- CBI Asks How Official Earning Rs 20 Lakh Annually Amassed Rs 1.92 Crore
- Leader of Nation Ranked 111th in Global Hunger Index Receives Top UN Food Award
- Party's Historic 59-Year Return to Government Delayed 11 Days Over Second Cabinet Chair
- State Scraps Predecessor's ₹64,000 Crore Rail Project to Announce Identical Project Under New Acronym
- State That Photographed 3.45 Lakh Fishermen in 2017 Proposes New Vessel Tracking Mandate
- Supreme Court Reaffirms "Bail Is The Rule," Assures State It Remains Purely Theoretical Under UAPA
- Top Judge Surprised 'Cockroach' Comment Offended the 29.1% of Graduates Without Jobs
May 19, 2026
- Finance Ministry Confirms Current Economic Storm Was Caused By Administration Dissolved In 2014
- Government Clarifies Global Oil Shocks Naturally Pause During Indian Election Campaigns
- Judge Who Protected 'Discredited' Agency Now Investigating Opposition Leaders for Hurtful Social Media Posts
- Leaders Hold Fifth Meeting in Two Years to Rebrand Existing Ocean as 'Indo-Mediterranean Corridor'
- Ministry Cites Press Freedom to Explain Why Leader of 157th-Ranked Nation Cannot Answer Questions
- Police Accused of Acting as 'Agent Provocateurs' Launch 25-Member Cell to Find the Provocateurs
- States Erasing Black Voting Districts Hope Athletes Continue Generating Hundreds of Millions in Revenue
May 18, 2026
- Billionaire Settles $265 Million Bribery Case for $18 Million After Hiring President's Personal Lawyer
- Home Ministry Adds 'Etc.' Clause After Discovering Undocumented Migrants Lack Foreign Documents
- Judge Found With Burnt Cash Successfully Defends Himself By Resigning Two Days Before Hearing
- Police Notice Fugitive With 15 Criminal Charges After Central Agency Raids Deputy Commissioner
- Supreme Court Reaffirms 'Bail Is The Rule' While Denying Bail After Fifth Year of Detention
- Tech Executive Devastated Former Non-Profit Monetized 'Benefit of Humanity' Into $150 Billion Without Him
May 17, 2026
- Administration Marks 250 Years of Church-State Separation By Rededicating Nation to Single Religion
- Board Assures 23 Lakh Students That 2026 Exam Leak Will Follow Established 2024 Protocols
- Governor Retains 1972 Treaty Table Exclusively As Prop To Criticize Previous Administration
- Ministry Confirms Dutch PM Contracted Same 'Lack of Understanding' as 2023 US State Department
- State Discovers Four Most Qualified Ministers Coincidentally Reside in New Chief Minister’s Home District
May 16, 2026
- 30 Lawmakers Discover 53-Year-Old Core Ideology Expires Exactly Eight Days After Losing Power
- Government Agrees to Ban Liquor to Protect Spiritual Heritage, Pending Full Reimbursement From Centre
- Government Clarifies "Null and Void" International Court Rulings Still Require Monthly Rejections
- Official Defeated in 2010 and 2015 Leadership Elections Offers to 'Save' Party Again
May 15, 2026
- Center Learns of 111 U.P. Storm Deaths After Receiving Condolences From Vladimir Putin
- Centre Expands Water Board to Ensure State Providing 60% of Resources Can Be Outvoted
- European Navy Offers to Protect India's Undersea Cables in Exchange for Lucrative Defense Contracts
- Government Clarifies Vacations Won't Be Taxed, Just Shamed While $2.2 Billion Flows Into Foreign Assets
- Party That Blocked Rival in February Graciously Extends Invite Following Disastrous Local Elections
- 'Zero Error' Exam Agency Discovers Its Own Panelist Dictating Questions to Coaching Classes
May 14, 2026
- Family Whose Four Kids Cracked NEET Credits Genetics, Hard Work, and Rs 30 Lakh
- Government Reverses 2022 Hijab Ban, Restoring Constitutional Rights Until Next Election Cycle
- Nation Needing 5.5 Million Barrels Daily Secures 1.5 Million, Declares Energy Security Achieved
- Police Trace Rs 1 Crore Plot Behind Workers' Bizarre Demand for Higher Minimum Wage
- President Leading Unpopular War Offers to Pause $11 Billion Arms Sale for Quick Trade Truce
- School Assembly Extended to Six Minutes to Accommodate Third Mandatory Anthem in Six Months
May 13, 2026
- Administration Explains How Curing Drug Addicts in Jammu Requires Demolishing Houses in Kashmir
- Government Confident 500 Unused Ethanol Pumps Will Seamlessly Service Nation's Zero Flex-Fuel Cars
- Police Arrest Influencer for Defaming Family Suing Each Other Over Rs 30,000 Crore Estate
- President Who Needs 'No Help' Asks Iran's Biggest Trading Partner for Midterm Election Rescue
- State Responds to 33 Storm Deaths by Swiftly Issuing May 2024's 'Immediate 24-Hour Relief' Directives
- State Validates Rs 50,000 Crore Industry Potential With Sole Rs 2.35 Crore Export
May 12, 2026
- $8.2 Billion Arms Exporter Asked to 'Reflect' on Decision to Provide Customer Support
- CBI to Investigate National Exam Leak After 'Full Security Protocol' Fails Again
- Chief Minister Promises 'Prosperous Assam' While Handing State Resources to Four Loyal MLAs
- Government Trims VIP Convoys By Half, Urges Bus Commuters To Stop Buying Gold
- Leader Who Lost 1,500 Councillors and 4 Ministers Promises to 'Get On With Governing'
- Official With 32,900 Followers Silenced for Questioning Mandatory Language
May 11, 2026
- Agency Investigating 150-Job Scam Makes Arrest Immediately After Suspect's Party Loses State Election
- Diplomat Deeply Moved By Partner Nation's Shared Value Of Having Millions Of Skilled Workers
- Global IT Giant With Immense Resources Successfully Achieves 'Zero Compliance' With Workplace Safety Law
- Government Unveils 9-Point Economic Strategy Consisting Entirely Of Things Citizens Must Stop Doing
- Leaders Who Shook Hands on 2025 Trade Truce Meet to Announce Next Tariffs
- 'Oasis of Energy Security' Suggests Online Classes to Conserve Completely Plentiful Fuel Supply
- PM Demands Strict Domestic Oil Austerity Before Boarding Flight For Five-Nation Tour
- Tamil Nadu's Fourth Actor-CM Pledges 'Real Social Justice,' Different From Previous Three
May 10, 2026
- Heritage Agency Assures Public That 31 Missing Monuments Are Still Under Strict Bureaucratic Control
- Ministry Confident Fourth Attempt at 2009 Database Plan Will Break 3.28% Registration Barrier
- Party With 5 Seats Demands 'Shared Responsibility' From Inside Locked Hyderabad Resort
- President Who Tore Up 2015 Agreement Furious Iran Won't Agree to 9-Point Plan
- Transport 'Digital Reform' Successfully Reduces Daily Beneficiaries From 7 Lakh to 8,000
May 9, 2026
- Administration Combats High Drug Addiction in Jammu by Bulldozing 18 Houses in Kashmir
- Congress Celebrates Senator's Birthday By Reducing His Father's 27-Year Coup Sentence by 90%
- Official Claims ‘Planned Agenda’ Targeting Community With Evidence Found in 1993, 2008, 2020 Acquittals
- Party Ends 15-Year Rule Promising Women's Empowerment, Immediately Appoints Male Chief Minister
- Police Secure Ruling Party Headquarters, Test Air Raid Sirens to Keep Public Calm
- Public Banks Missing Rs 27,337 Crore Reassured by Rigorous Search of 17 Office Locations
May 8, 2026
- Airline Seeking ₹10,000 Crore Confident Firing 1,680 Employees Will Fix ₹22,000 Crore Loss
- Ceasefire Remains Intact Because Sinking Six Enemy Boats Qualifies as 'Not Heavy Firing'
- Ministry Cites 65 Wildlife Deaths to Request Central Funds for Same Unbuilt 544km Fence
- Parties With 106 Combined Seats Unite to Save Democracy From Party With 108
- Scheme Ensuring 'No Mother Missed' Will Seamlessly Track The 38% With Rural Digital Literacy
- State Clarifies Fake Number Plate Loophole Was Meant for Local Autos, Not Professional Assassins
May 7, 2026
- Appeals Court Grants 8-Year Discount For Aiding 'Self-Coup' Despite Complete Lack Of Remorse
- Department That Spent Rs 120 Crore on Rabies Vaccines Refuses to Vaccinate Actual Dogs
- Government Assures Court Single 2,000-Passenger Casino Won't Crowd River Holding 1,987 Total Passengers
- Party Falling 10 Seats Short Begins Negotiating With System It Promised To Destroy
- State Leaves 52 Commissions Vacant for 2 Years as 10,000 Workers Negotiate Cabinet Perks
May 6, 2026
- Commander of $886 Billion Military Tells Man With No Army He Misunderstands 'Real World'
- Delhi Airport Tracking 500 Delayed Flights Proudly Confirms It Is 'Operating As Normal'
- Nation With 4.1 Million Migrants Highlights Digital Platform, 'Menace' Persists
- Official Confirms Loud Explosion Near Military Zone Was Just Spontaneously Combusting Scooter
- Officials Confirm Terror Has Been Decisively Crippled For Third Time In Nine Years
- Opposition Leader Discovers Exactly One in Six Ruling Party MPs Stole Their Election Victory
May 5, 2026
- Citizens Shielded From Rs 993 Gas Hike Until They Order Food From A Restaurant
- Leader Who Vowed Minorities 'Cannot Live In Peace' Credits Hat-Trick Win to Inclusive Development
- Opposition Bloc Devastated by Ally's Collapse to 90 Seats That Conveniently Solves Leadership Dispute
- President's 'Humanitarian Gesture' for 2,000 Stranded Ships Consists Mostly of Airstrikes on Fast Boats
- Ruling Party Baffled as Actor With Zero Governance Experience Wins 108 Seats on Debut
- State Begins Mandatory Post-Election Arson Ritual Following Party's 206-Seat Democratic Victory
May 4, 2026
- Media Declares 'High-Stakes Battle' For Chief Minister Who Won Last Election By 70,384 Votes
- Nation With 5,412 Retracted Papers Asks Scientists to Kindly Disclose When They Fabricate Data
- Party Praises 'Unwavering Unity' of 102-Seat Coalition After Discarding 2021 Ally For Better Deal
- President Rejects 14-Point Peace Plan, Citing Unacceptable Risk to $120-a-Barrel Oil Prices
May 3, 2026
- Election Commission Impressed By 58% Turnout Achieved While Opposition's Button Was Taped Shut
- Government Upgrades From 134 Billion Ignored SMS Alerts to One Nationwide Panic Attack
- Ministry Shields Consumers From $126 Crude by Quietly Hiking Commercial LPG by Rs 993
- Officials Say Opening Bridge Once Since 2019 to Return Bodies Proves Permanent Protocol Unnecessary
- President Punishes Ally for Criticism By Moving 5,000 Troops, Cites 'Strategic Review'
- Rs 1.3 Lakh 'Ultra' Phone Released for Market Where Average Consumer Spends Rs 15,000
- Sociology Department Adds Prime Minister to Syllabus, Confirms It Helps Secure NITI Aayog Jobs
May 2, 2026
- Administration Prepares to Not Withdraw 5,000 Troops From Germany for Second Time Since 2020
- Court Rules Public Land Not for Exclusive Religious Use, Unless State Decides Otherwise
- Government Proudly Recovers Rs 19,187 Crore From Fugitives Who Owe Rs 58,082 Crore
- Officials Begin 2026 Recount of 279 Ballots to Decide Who Won 2023 Election
- Officials Confirm 'Free and Fair' Election Proceeding Smoothly Into Routine 15-Booth Repolling Phase
May 1, 2026
- Commission Clarifies Opening Ballot Boxes In Corridors Is Merely Routine 'Segregation' Announced Via Email
- Development Authority Heroically Unearths ₹100 Crore Land Fraud Orchestrated by Development Authority
- Government Confident Third Curfew in 18 Months Will Finally Fix 29x Youth Detention Disparity
- Government Saves Households Rs 380 on Gas by Adding Rs 993 to Commercial Cylinders
- Prime Minister Makes Three-Hour War Zone Stop to Check on $3 Billion Gas Deal
- US Issues Priority Watch List for Nations Refusing to Fix $41.18 Billion Trade Deficit
April 2026
(182 rectifications)
April 30, 2026
- Anti-Terror Squad That Raided 21 Locations Baffled by Man With Unsupervised Internet Access
- Board Unveils Official bse.ap.gov.in Results Portal, Begs Students To Use WhatsApp Instead
- Government Reminds Migrants Contributing Billions That Fleeing Gang Violence Was Only a Temporary Arrangement
- State Greets 11 Deportees Who Paid Rs 1 Crore to Flee Its Job Market
April 29, 2026
- DOJ Announces Second Attempt to Jail President's Rival After Firing Uncooperative Attorney General
- Election Commission's AI Surveillance Flawlessly Records State's Traditional Crude Bomb Attacks in High Definition
- India's 'Light Touch' AI Regulation Now Prepares for AI That Even Its Creators Don't Understand
- Intelligence Agencies Mobilized After $1 Cryptocurrency Purchase Paralyzes 40 Schools and High Courts
- Party Leader Puts On Sneakers, Assumes 8 Million First-Time Voters Are Entirely Superficial
- Prime Minister Pledges to Rescue "Crying" Citizens From Party They Just Gave 29 Seats
April 28, 2026
- Brand Unveils 'Accessible' ₹5.5 Lakh Entry-Level Bike To Compete With ₹3.67 Lakh Rivals
- Government Links 33% Women’s Quota to Map Redrawing That Conveniently Benefits Its Northern Base
- Minister Behind 'Trump Tower' Demands Eradication of Foreign Names From 98-Year-Old Hospital
- Network Cuts 27 Minutes From President's Interview Following $16 Million 'Deceptive Editing' Settlement
- Oil Companies Demand Rs 1 Crore Upfront, Blame Ensuing Fuel Crisis on 'Panic Buying'
- Opera House Bleeding €140,000 Defends Giving Toscanini’s Former Post to Ruling Party Ally
- President Declares Nation Dictating $110-A-Barrel Oil Prices Is In State Of Total Collapse
- State Defends Invoking 'Public Safety Act' Against Legislator Who Criticized Deputy Commissioner
April 27, 2026
- Court Forced to Clarify Husband's Sister Is Not His Second Wife After 28-Year Marriage
- Government Combats Lightning Deaths By Increasing Posthumous Compensation From ₹4 Lakh to ₹5 Lakh
- Government Demolishes Madrasa Months After Investigating Beneficiary Who Drew Salary For 4 Years As UK Citizen
- Military Baffled As 'Unknown Gunmen' Tragically Assassinate 30th High-Profile Terrorist Commander
- Police Officer With Rs 7.5 Crore Cash Still Bothering To Extort Rs 5 Lakh
- Prime Minister Orders 'Vigorous Attacks' to Protect Integrity of Ongoing Ceasefire Efforts
April 26, 2026
- Anti-Defection Law Clarifies Buying One MP Is Illegal, But Acquiring 7 Out Of 10 Is A Completely Legal Merger
- Bank Excludes Rs 590 Crore Fraud From Balance Sheet To Announce 145% Profit Growth
- Nation Boasting 7.4% Growth Puzzled as Foreigners Pull $12.7 Billion in Single Month to Buy AI Stocks Elsewhere
- Official With Rs 7.36 Crore Cash and 26 Luxury Watches Commended for Highly Organized Middleman Infrastructure
- Officials Praise 'New Sovereignty Model' As Rebel Alliance Launches Coordinated Attacks Across 1,500 Kilometers
- Testing Agency Discovers Lucrative Revenue Stream in Charging Students Rs 200 to Correct Its Errors
April 21, 2026
- 115-Page Order Rejects Former CM's 12 Bias Grounds After Prior Reliefs Granted
- Country That Blockaded 27 Vessels Says Peace Talks Dependent On Other Side Negotiating In 'Good Faith'
- Election Commission Chief Promises 'Violence-Free' West Bengal Polls For The Fifth Consecutive Election
- IMD Issues Annual 'It's Going to Be Hotter This Year' Forecast, Citizens Respond with Annual 'Oh, Really?'
- MLA Whose Son Rammed Five People Dares Police: 'Does This District Belong To Your Daddy?'
- Nation's Top Security Advisor Visits Region for Fourth Time This Year to Discuss 'Peace' That Keeps Oil Flowing
- 'No Voter Left Behind' Commission Deletes 27 Lakh Over 'Impossible' Family Age Gaps
- Special Court Commends Police for Admitting to False Testimony, Calls it 'Progress Towards Transparency'
April 20, 2026
April 19, 2026
- Elected Official Donates 15 Minutes of Nodding to Neighborhood That Just Built Its Own Civic Infrastructure
- Government Replaces Delayed Infrastructure Funds With Record Allocation of 'Self-Respect'
- Historic Ceasefire Holds as Rival Navies Peacefully Maintain Competing Blockades Around 600 Trapped Commercial Ships
- Officials Unveil State-of-the-Art Command Center to Watch Rural Taps Run Dry in Real Time
- State Apparatus Mobilized as Deputy Chief Minister Battles Cough Acquired at Own Movie Promotion
April 18, 2026
April 17, 2026
- Accused No. 39 Denies Family Involvement in Liquor Scam That Put Accused No. 38 in Jail
- Government With 611 Sailors Trapped in War Zone Confident 'Strongly Urging' Armed Militias Will Clear Waterway
- President Who Posted AI Image of Himself as Jesus Formally Clarifies Catholic Doctrine for Pope
- State With 13 Lakh Acres of Encroached Land Celebrates Securing 5-Acre Plot With Tin Signboard
April 16, 2026
- Centre Confirms States That Successfully Implemented Family Planning Will Now Be Punished With Political Irrelevance
- Government Automates $166 Billion Tariff Refund to Corporations Who Already Passed Cost to Consumers
- Historic Women's Empowerment Bill Adds 307 Parliament Seats So Absolutely Zero Men Have to Give Up Theirs
- Maritime Insurers Secure 1,500% Premium Increase After Official Points Menacingly at 33-Kilometer Puddle
- Party Confirms Basic Human Rights Like Jobs And Safety Require 'Double Engine' Subscription
- Traffic Department Defeats Commuter Death Toll by Handing Out 50 Helmets and Asking 8-Year-Olds to Be Careful
- U.S. Confirms Its Jurisdiction Includes Australian Citizens Doing Things In South Africa In 2012
April 15, 2026
- Government Confirms Rs 2 Lakh Industrial Death Rate Remains Unchanged, Applicable Immediately Upon Condolence Tweet
- Opposition Leader Who Did Nothing About Mullaperiyar for Five Years Asks Farmers Why They Would Re-Elect Party That Did Nothing About Mullaperiyar for Five Years
- States That Controlled Their Population to Be Rewarded With 39 Fewer Lok Sabha Seats Than States That Did Not, Centre Confirms Process Is Fair
- Treasury Secretary Who Will Not Pay $100-a-Barrel Oil Prices Confirms Amount of Pain Worth Bearing Is Slightly More Than Whatever It Currently Is
- Two Countries That Never Ratified the Maritime Law Treaty Announce Competing Blockades of Waterway Governed by That Treaty
- Vice President, Whose Wife Is Daughter of Indian Immigrants, Confirms Immigrant Contribution Is Real and Good, Just Not for Any Future Immigrants
April 14, 2026
- City Whose Metro Land Acquisition Was Declared Complete in 2013 Begins Acquiring Land for Metro
- FIR Filed Against Brigadier's Attackers 45 Hours After Assault Witnessed by Policemen Who Were Also Present
- Government Implements Historic Women's Reservation by Adding Seats for Women Without Removing Any Seats from Men, Sources Confirm
- Lebanon Offers to Negotiate Disarmament of Group It Has Tried and Failed to Disarm Three Times in 16 Months
- Man in White Robes Emitting Divine Light While Healing the Sick Insists Image Has Nothing to Do With Jesus
- State Police That Reports to TMC Government Fails to Act on TMC Disruption of Opposition Campaign for Third Consecutive Election; Commission Seeks Report
- TVK Candidate Pays Rs 50,000 Per Day for Holographic Leader Who Costs Less to Operate Than the Mannequin Did in Dignity
- West Celebrates Hungary's Democracy Restoration, Led by Man Who Spent Two Decades Inside the System He Just Replaced
April 13, 2026
- Administration That Holds Pentagon Prayer Services in Name of Jesus Christ Concerned Pope Is Mixing Religion and Politics
- AIADMK Leader Flanked by Three Different Ideologies Explains That Ideology Is Permanent
- Committee Formed to Publicly Display Exactly How Little LPG Is Left in Karnataka
- Ministry That Failed to Teach 50% of Class 5 to Read Launches AI Syllabus Requiring Students to Read
- Nation Spends 53% of Higher Education Budget to Ensure 3% of Students Can Afford Regular Coffee in Toronto
- Nation That Spent 16 Years Building Unbreakable Authoritarian Machine Surprised to Find Someone Else Now Holds the Keys
- Pentagon Confirms Latest Successful Strike on Boat That Most Likely Would Have Had Drugs in it Eventually
- Trump Confirms 'Numerous Countries' Have Joined Hormuz Coalition; All Countries Confirm They Have Not
April 10, 2026
- Election Commission Successfully Streamlines Democracy by Deleting 91 Lakh Voters Too Distracting for Final Tally
- Nation Currently Without Electricity Confirms Political System Powered by 1959 Ideology Not Up for Negotiation
- Police Task Force Formed to Find Person Who Filmed Delivery Agent Having Public Mental Breakdown Instead of Investigating Mental Breakdown
- President Complains Nation He 'Decimated' for Five Weeks Is Doing 'Very Poor Job' of Running Its Own Infrastructure
April 9, 2026
- 14-Day Ceasefire Successfully Moves War from 'Active Combat' to 'Semantics' as Rockets Fall in Non-Participating Zones
- Karnataka Voters Head to Polls to Formally Notarize Transfer of Assembly Seats to Deceased MLAs’ Children
- President Who Launched Unannounced War Shocked to Find Allies Didn't Pre-Position Frigates in His Imagination
- Rs 1,250-per-Month Democracy Enters Final Bidding Phase as 2.5 Crore Voters Invited to Choose Their Preferred Cash-Transfer Brand
- U.S. Clarifies Ceasefire Only Applies to Countries Not Currently Being Bombed into the Stone Age
April 8, 2026
- Anthropic Determines AI Model Too Dangerous for Public is Perfectly Safe for JPMorgan Chase
- Assam Government Solves 100% of District’s Problems by Deleting 50% of Its Legislative Seats
- Civilization-Ending Apocalypse Postponed for 14 Days to Allow for Filing of Relevant Paperwork
- Historic Uniform Civil Code Paused as State’s Bedroom-Monitoring Software Stuck at 4% Installation
- Ministry Suggests South Indian Drivers Simply Switch to More Expensive Petrol Until Diverted LPG Ships Find Their Way Out of Gujarat
- U.S. Officials Who Raised Tariffs to 18% Conclude 'Fruitful' Meeting to Discuss How Much More India Can Afford
- World Relieved to Learn Global Civilization Now Only 88 Minutes Away from Total Obliteration at Any Given Time
April 7, 2026
- Anti-Defacement Squad Successfully Reclaims 4 Square Inches of Public Wall Following Removal of 35,000 Posters
- Congress Veteran Proposes Radical Strategy of Noticing People Exist Between Election Cycles
- IIMs Successfully 'Recalibrate' 100% of Students into Same Three Consulting Firms as 2004
- President Promises Nation 8 P.M. Tuesday Will Be ‘Bridge Day’ and ‘Power Plant Day’ in Iran Following Successful Focus Group Testing
- Rs 1,273 Crore RTO Celebrates Becoming India’s 3rd Most Profitable Bureaucracy Despite Minor Setback of Being Raided for Massive Corruption
- UN Security Council Successfully Replaces 'Military Force' With 'Sternly Worded Defensive Gestures' in Blockade Resolution
April 6, 2026
- 7% Employment Rate Successfully Maintained for 30% of Population Despite 50 Years of Aggressive Election Campaigning
- Chief Minister Holding 100% of State Cabinet Portfolios Explains She Has 0% Power Over 3-Hour Siege of Judges
- Minister Threatens to Strike City 1,600km Away Using Only the Power of a Sialkot Press Club Microphone
- Minister Who Has 100% of His Food Cooked Offers 20% of Necessary Gas to People Who Make Living Cooking Food
- President Declares War ‘Very Complete, Pretty Much’ While Threatening to Bomb Every Remaining Bridge in Iran
- U.S. Proposes 45-Day Ceasefire to Iran After Successful 48-Hour Rejection Earlier This Week
April 5, 2026
- City Officials Shocked That Shopkeepers Prefer Having Shops Over Not Having Shops
- Dictionary Manufacturers Struggle to Keep Up as Bengal CM Exhausts 47th Synonym for ‘Dangerous’
- Germany Reassures Men Under 45 They Are Totally Free to Leave the Country After Asking Permission First
- Government Assures Supreme Court It Only Arrests Comedians Who Aren't Actually Funny
- Government Proudly Extends Free Electricity to Farmers Who Still Don’t Own Any Machines
- Government Successfully Files and Indexes Deep-Sea Creatures Before They Are Accidentally Disrupted by Blue Economy
- ICE Successfully Thwarts Global Terrorism by Detaining Two Women Related to Man Assassinated Five Years Ago
- Junior Partner Insists on Keeping Own Symbol So Voters Can Accurately Identify Who Has No Power
- NASA Spends $4 Billion to Ensure Billionaires Are Not Only People Taking Photos of Things They Can’t Touch
- Nehru Place Man Discovers Technology That Doesn't Require 45-Minute Firmware Update Before Printing
- President Assures Nation Iran Is 100% Defeated While Threatening to Bomb It for Another Three Weeks
- Rs 100 Crore Temple Master Plan Announced During Meeting to Ensure Temples Remain Non-Political
- Rs 30 Lakh Degree Holders Told to Practice 'Inner Stillness' Before Starting 100-Hour Work Weeks
- Small Party Leader Explains That Legally Ceasing to Exist Is a Small Price for Winning One Seat
- U.S. Offers Iran Choice Between 48-Hour Peace Deal or Slightly Louder 48-Hour Deadline
April 4, 2026
- Election Commission Searches for Candidate with Absolutely No Friends to Serve as Returning Officer
- Family That Has Only Won Baramati 8 Times In A Row Nervous About 9th Attempt
- Government Proposes Solving Rs 50,000 Crore Dental Crisis by Telling Children to Buy a Toothbrush
- Government Successfully Sends Very Angry Letters to Billionaires Mentioned in 2016 News Reports
- Government That Stole Your Buffalo Returns One Leg, Expects Thank You Note
- Military Leader Who Postponed Elections by Five Years Suggests Citizens Just 'Forget' Concept of Voting Entirely
- NASA Confirms Earth Still Round, Blue, and Completely Unaware of $42 Billion Camera Trip
- Orban Confident 15-Point Lead for Opposition Will Result in Narrow 2/3 Majority for Himself
- Pentagon Confirms Downed F-15 Was Merely Testing Integrity of Iran’s ‘Non-Existent’ Air Defenses
- Pentagon Optimistic Search for One Missing Pilot Only Costing Three Additional Aircraft So Far
- Premier High Court to Strengthen Accountability by Re-Inaugurating Transparency Tool It Turned Off in 2023
- Smart City Project Finally Achieves 100% Efficiency by Routing Rs 83 Crore Directly to Banker’s Driver
- University Celebrates 100 Years of Academic Excellence by Asking Students to Cook for Free
- UP CM Explains That Roads Are Primarily For Walking, Unless 66 Crore People Need to Stand on Them
April 3, 2026
- Board That Can’t Stop Paper Leaks Successfully Delivers 1987 Pop Hit to 1.6 Million Math Students
- Defense Secretary Authorizes 2,000 Troops to Carry Weapons in City Where Crime Is Already at 30-Year Low
- Election Commission Successfully Disposes of 52 Lakh Voters Who Were Using Up Valuable Space on List
- Former PM Who Banned Social Media Discovers Judicial Remand Also Works Offline
- Government Raises Milk Prices for Fourth Time to Ensure Farmers Can Afford to Feed Cows Raising Milk Prices
- Government Urges Citizens to View Lukewarm, Expensive Beer as Vital Contribution to Strategic Autonomy
- Man Whose Entire Career Is Built on Scripts Promises to Be Only Candidate Not Following One
- Ministry Solving LPG Shortage by Suggesting Autos Try Using More Expensive Fuel They Don't Have
- NASA Finally Grants Astronauts Permission to Leave Earth’s Driveway After 25-Hour Life Support Vibe Check
- Nation Spends $93 Billion to Send Four People to Place We Already Visited in 1972
- Pentagon Reassures Sleepless Iranians That Their Insomnia Is a Vital Component of Their Liberation
- President Describes 'Lovely Stay' in Iran, Promises to Finish Trip by Obliterating Everyone's Electricity
- President Trump Optimistic That Doubling Cost of Medicine Will Make It More Affordable
- Trump Fired Attorney General for Doing Tremendous Job He Is Increasingly Frustrated by
- UN Security Council to Vote on Whether Explosions in Strait of Hormuz Should Be Rebranded as ‘Defensive Navigation’
- Upper-Caste Book Club Confident 4th Annual Reading of 'Annihilation of Caste' Will Fix Everything by May
April 2, 2026
- Election Commission Successfully Protects Democracy by Banning Voters from Standing Near It
- Government Assures Thalambur Residents That New Global Sports City Will Feature World-Class Underwater Hockey Facilities
- Government Resolves 6-Year Smartphone Delay by Giving 2020 Handsets to Teachers Who Didn't Ask for Them
- Government Successfully Protects Sensitive Coal Plants from Feeling Bullied by Solar Energy
- Government Thrilled by 'Renewed Public Interest' in Piped Gas After Successfully Making LPG Impossible to Find
- India Reassured That Global Oil Crisis Will Continue Until Both Sides Finish Destroying Each Other’s Water
- Israel Expands 'Buffer Zone' to Include Any Land Currently Not Under Its Direct Administration
- Man Who Called Partner 'Political Cancer' For 20 Years Thrilled to Begin Lifelong Honeymoon Phase
- Nation Relieved as $2 Billion Rocket Successfully Replicates Technology Developed in 1968
- Nation’s Most Efficient Spirit-Breaking Exercise Begins as JEE Main Session 2 Goes Live
- President Assures Nation Iran War Is 100% Finished Besides the Fighting and the Dying
- President Confirms 48 Iranian Leaders 'Gone in One Shot,' Expects 49th to Be Very Cooperative
- Rupee Sprints Boldly Backward to 93.53 as RBI Rebrands Freefall as 'Controlled Descent'
- Tech Corridor Resident Celebrates 15th Year of 'Upcoming' Piped Water from Rs 2.5 Crore Balcony
- U.S. Determines Venezuelan Official No Longer 'Undermining Democracy' Following Successful Kidnapping of Her Boss
April 1, 2026
- Defense Minister Clarifies That 'Temporary' Security Zone Is Only Temporary Until It Becomes a Permanent Border
- Education Ministry Announces New Academic Session Will Consist of Three Tuesdays and a Thursday
- Elon Musk Successfully Achieves 100% Reduction in Misinformation During Three-Hour Outage
- Government Clarifies Liquor Only Becomes ‘Nuisance’ Once All Political Affiliates Have Finished Collecting Their Cut
- Government Proudly Maintains Domestic Gas Prices as Restaurants Successfully Transition back to the Stone Age
- Kingdom Proudly Intercepts 4,000th Iranian Drone Intended for Country 1,200 Kilometers Away
- Minister Assures Nation of 'Stable Gas Supply' for Anyone With an Extra Rs 214 and No Desire to Eat
- Ministry Rebrands Choking Smoke as 'Artisanal Indoor Cloud Experience' to Address LPG Shortage
- Nation With 88% Oil Dependence Noted for Sturdy Economic Foundation Built Entirely on Other People’s Oceans
- Nation’s Invisible Poor Thank Photographer for Moving Them from Actual Shadows to High-Contrast Artistic Ones
- State Department ‘Closely Tracking’ Kidnapped Journalist With Same Intensity Used to Track Previous 400 Warnings to Leave Iraq
- State With Rs 8 Lakh Crore Debt Promises to Buy Everyone a New Toaster
- Supreme Court Rejects 40-Year-Old Property Claim After Determining Plaintiff Failed to Stay Immortal Enough
March 2026
(28 rectifications)
March 31, 2026
- Actor-Turned-Politician Charged with Violating Rules He Just Learned Exist Three Weeks Ago
- Agency That Summoned Man 52 Times Shocked He Did Not Attend 53rd Summons
- Allies Politely Request Ukraine Consider Losing War More Affordably
- Army Launches Investigation Into Why Helicopter Went Exactly Where Kid Rock Wanted It To Go
- BJP Candidate Praised for Successfully Appearing Serious While Campaigning in State Party Has Never Won
- BJP Leaders Who Publicly Feuded for 18 Months Stand Together Long Enough for Photographer to Take Picture
- CM Announces Centre Anti-People, Plans to Address Issue After Bypolls, Elections, Monsoon, Next Bypolls
- Delhi Government Announces Comprehensive Plan to Supply Water to City That Already Has Water Supply System
- Event Organizers Assure Disappointed Customers Next Year's Festival Will Also Fall Short of Expectations
- Kashmir Carpet Industry Grateful for Opportunity to Not Attend Exhibitions They Could Not Afford Anyway
- Nation Confirms 30-Year-Old Arrest Video Now More Culturally Significant Than Entire Body of National Literature
- Regional Powers Assure Citizens Tanker Attack Unlikely to Disrupt Cycle of Assurances About Regional Stability
- Social Media Companies Promise to Enforce Age Ban Just As Soon As Someone Explains How
- Spain Announces Bold Stance Against War After Checking Which Military Bases US Doesn't Actually Need
- Spain Carefully Explains It Only Meant 'Joint' Military Base in Figurative Sense
- State Government Successfully Transfers ₹1,000 to Workers After 11-Month Process to Determine Transfer Mechanism
- Trump Willing to End War Once All Participants Agree to Keep Fighting at Current Levels
- US Lawmaker Confident Royal Visit Perfect Opportunity to Address Issue No One in Power Has Addressed
March 30, 2026
- Access Granted to Holy Site After Concerns About Safety Successfully Addressed by Announcing Access Granted
- Bank of America Confirms Building Successfully Protected Assets During Brief Exterior Incident
- Election Commission Announces Plan to Make Elections Clean After Making Them Clean
- Experts Confirm Leader's Gut Performing Exactly As Expected
- Government Successfully Delivers Promises It Never Made While Carefully Preserving Ones It Did
- Political Party Announces Candidate Will Contest From Constituency, Await Further Updates on Other Candidates Contesting From Other Constituencies
- Regime Change Confirmed After Official Notices It Happened
- Regional Powers Confirm Commitment to Dialogue While Attacking Each Other's Infrastructure
- Regulators Discover Children Not Born Requiring Anti-Aging Serums
March 28, 2026